Hello Heroes,
I hope this blog finds you fine and dandy and full of the joys of summer - I know the saying is Spring but hey ho, let’s live a little!
Personally, this past month has been one of ‘ups and downs’, ‘highs and lows’, ‘sparkle and shitshow’, however you want to phrase it. This has brought along a tidal wave of feelings and emotions for me to try and manage in a positive, healthy way now that I no longer drink alcohol. As is often the case for so many of you brilliant women out there, this emotional rollercoaster is happening whilst I continue to show up in my day job as a mum, sister, friend, detox nurse, alcohol freedom coach - to put it simply, being a woman!
It got me thinking how in my drinking days, whenever I experienced difficult feelings or negative thinking, my automatic go to was to grab that glass of wine because, let’s face it, alcohol does do one thing exceptionally well - numb. So, as I continued this train of thought, the question I was left with was ‘Why is it that as human beings, many of us are so keen to stop what make us fundamentally human i.e., feel our emotions?’ Regardless of how intentional the drinking is, the result is ultimately a dampening down of the feelings from which we want to escape.
The more I pondered this, the crazier it seemed to me that my automatic reaction of reaching for the alcohol was undoing one of the fundamental qualities that makes me human. So today I thought I would explore a little more the number one emotion I used to drink on, certainly by the end of my drinking journey, which was good old anxiety and offer some practices I find particularly helpful when experiencing this.
Firstly, I think it is useful to make the distinction between anxiety and fear. Anxiety is a perceived future threat, such as worrying about losing your job or passing an exam. Fear, on the other hand, is real and present danger. In the old days, this might have been a sabre-tooth tiger coming towards you and your brain would fortunately send a signal to your legs to start running! Nowadays, it could be escaping a burning building. However, interestingly, the brain is unable to distinguish between a real threat or an imagined one and nowadays, we are often walking around in a mental ‘fight or flight’ mode even though our bodies are not in actual danger. This results in our sympathetic nervous system working overtime causing us to feel stressed, anxious and overwhelmed.
Numbing our feelings with alcohol may seem like a good idea at the time but has an obvious downside to it - that nothing has changed once the numbing agent has worn off, but you now also have the delights of a hangover to deal with. Having experienced the 3am ‘hangxiety’ more times than I would care to remember, I am truly grateful for alcohol no longer playing the part of a numbing agent (007 move over!). The truth of the matter is, the only way is through.
What do I mean by this? The more we try and stop the feeling of anxiety, the more it grows and unfortunately, alcohol exacerbates this a gazillion times over. So, if you are currently struggling with anxiety, be it from a specific situation or due to having a generalised anxiety disorder, and you would usually give alcohol the role of the numbing agent, here are five suggestions that I find particularly useful:
1) Acknowledge your anxiety and get curious about why it has shown up. This might sound a little crazy, but if you can, make friends with it. Anxiety is not your enemy but acts like a signal, flashing in the dark to try and get your attention. Although there may be an obvious trigger, often there are deeper, underlying reasons which are contributing to the feelings of anxiety. Sometimes it may be difficult to pinpoint what is causing the anxiety but that is still a useful piece of information to have. Even if we cannot identify the cause, we can choose to do an activity to change our physical state e.g., taking a cold-water dip which will in turn, change our emotional state, albeit for a short length of time. Awareness is an absolute game changer because without awareness, there is no possibility of change.
2) Press a pause button even if it is only for a few minutes whilst you ask yourself whether having a drink is really what you want to do. Now the immediate reply might well be ‘yes, absolutely’. Again, acknowledging this and getting curious as to why this is your answer, is useful. List 5 reasons drinking would be helpful and 5 reasons it would not.
3) Go for a walk, even if it is only for ten minutes. This is known as the lengthening tactic because you are literally lengthening the time before you have a drink. Whilst walking, you can choose to listen to music, a guided meditation, a podcast or maybe the shipping forecast (those who know, know!) Or you may prefer to focus on the sounds of nature, the weather conditions or anything else you fancy.
4) Breathwork – there are many different types of breathing techniques to choose from such as box breathing, Lion’s breath breathing, or my favourite: the 4-7-8 breathing. Breathwork activates the body’s parasympathetic nervous system which helps to calm sensations of stress. The beauty of breathwork is, it is if fully accessible any time, any place, any where and is completely free - unlike the Martini in that advert! What’s not to love about a bit of breathing to calm the mind and body and give us focus and energy.
5) Mindfulness practice – this is about focusing our awareness on the present moment. It allows one to become aware of both our internal states and our surroundings. The skill is to observe your thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations and present-moment experiences without judging or reacting to them. Being mindful means being aware and is the opposite of being on autopilot which is often the place we are when we automatically reach for the wine.
If you are experiencing a range of emotions, this is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you. It is okay to not feel okay. A fundamental part of being human is to ‘feel the feels’ so if, like I used to do, you give alcohol the role of the numbing agent, get curious as to why this is and create a list of anxiety-reducing activities that you could try before reaching for that glass of vino or whatever is your poison. Some of your anxiety-reducing activities would be of greater benefit if regularly practiced when they are not ‘needed’ such as breathwork and mindfulness. Knowing which ones resonate with you and give you the most benefit can only be identified by repetition, so I challenge you to try at least one new anxiety-reducing activity a week for the next month.
Look out for next month’s blog where I will take you on a journey of how to manage sugar cravings when reducing or no longer drinking alcohol. Yes, it is a thing!
Wishing you a fabulous month ahead – get curious, show yourself compassion and laugh a lot!
Sammie xox